He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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