i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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