I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
