Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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