The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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