so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
