I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize