so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
