I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
