hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
