dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
