Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
