No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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