she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
