My underwear smells like fireworks.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
