Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
