I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
