I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
