Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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