Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
