i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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