I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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