I'm laying in your front yard are you home
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
