I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."