i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes