I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then