found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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