These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
