apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
