Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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