she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Dating After Heartbreak
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off