oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
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I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.