Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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