isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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