so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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