I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
from now on my penis is your penis
What did we do last night that was yellow?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
