to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
