Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
