Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
