just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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