Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
