Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
