Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Where is the hickey?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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