I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
