After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
did i just pee glitter
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
