my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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