Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
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It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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