There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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