you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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