so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
