She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
