i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
