yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
