woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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