Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
