Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The adults are the big ones right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
