is your mom at the bar?
Will you blow on my dice?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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