Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
People in love make me want to vomit
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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