I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
