new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
