remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize