So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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