I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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