I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
